I’m back in Colorado and reminiscing on where I was a year ago before any surgeries. I was hoping to feel better than I do after both decompression surgeries, but I want to write a bit about how much they have helped me. 

Last year there was fear in me, walking from the car up one flight of stairs and into the room I was staying. The night before surgery I had a priesthood blessing because I didn’t think I’d have the ability to shower and before the blessing was considering being carried up a flight of stairs to the shower, but ended up having the strength to get there myself with some rest breaks. 

Tonight I took a shower and ended up over exerting myself far more than I have done in a very long time. It reminded me how hard I work to not overexert myself and that I’m living in a house of cards and I have to be so cautious to keep everything together because it can fall apart so easily. With my over exertion, I got a headache and was nauseous and my mom grabbed some ice packs to help cool my body down and I was reminded that ice packs used to be applied to my body multiple times a day to stay off the nausea and headaches that would come from looking at my phone screen in color or screwing on social media with the sound or watching a video that moved too quickly or thinking while I looked at my phone. 

Before my surgeries existing was painful, physically painful, and exhausting. Post the surgeries I have the ability to spend less time in a painful existence and more time in a bored out of my mind existence. Better but still unbearable.

Anyway, will be assessing my tubular veins and seeing what advice my surgeon has for me. We are in the process of scheduling more scans to help steer us in new direction.